Relationship Rescue for Wives and Girlfriends of
Internet Pornography Addicts

This site is for informational purposes and is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.

After Virtual Infidelity

Open Communication. If his unhappiness with your relationship contributed to
his decision to overuse porn, both of you need to calmly discuss your feelings so
that together you can make changes. If communication is strained, look into
seeking help from a qualified counselor.

Regret and Remorse. His porn use has hurt you on a very deep level. He needs
to be able 'to get it' and sincerely express his regret and remorse. Often men
think if they are keeping their computer time clean, then their commitment to
the relationship should be obvious. It's not. It is important for him to reassure
you how dedicated he is on a frequent basis, especially during the early stages
of recovery when trust is still being rebuilt.

Walk the Talk. There is a time to talk and a time to live. It is important to discuss
difficult topics and create a game plan moving forward however, it is equally
important to spend quality bonding time together without speaking of his
problems with porn. Reconnect and nurture your friendship. Spend time on
games, go to a local baseball game, take a class together. This may not be so
appealing to you in the beginning if you are still recovering from the shock of his
online indiscretions. Give it some time and know that this is a necessary goal if
your relationship is to thrive again.

Forgiveness. One mistake many women make is to rush to forgive. Forgiveness is
not given - it is earned. It should be the last step in the healing process. It is the
last action taken before this painful chapter in your life is closed. It shouldn't be
given without first seeing sincere regret and a great deal of success from your
partner. Another mistake many women make is to refuse to forgive. He can do
relationship will fail unless you forgive him. Forgiveness is a conscious decision to
stop pointing fingers, see the situation from a standpoint of empathy and love and
start a new chapter, together.

is a compulsive behavior not unlike emotional eating or smoking. Overuse of porn is a
symptom of greater underlying issues. It's important to understand why the lure of porn is so
important to him that he would even risk losing his relationship with you over it. Were
boundaries not clearly set in your relationship? Is it status quo at the work place? Did his
father or older male relatives use porn on a regular basis? Is he using it as a stress relief
mechanism? Does he feel unimportant or out of the loop in your family? Has he complained of
feeling unappreciated, unloved, resentful or ignored? Is intimacy infrequent? He knows deep
down that his use of porn is not making the situation better, only worse. Yet for him it most
likely is a coping mechanism.

No Relationship is Perfect. Together you should be able to take a hard look at your dynamics
and identify areas for improvement. In order for true healing to take place, he must be willing
to stop using pornography. Period. He should be willing to do whatever it takes to earn back
your trust. You need to be able to manage your emotions and begin to take ownership for
areas in the relationship that you can improve upon.