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Over 140 women to date have taken the PAH confidential survey for wives and girlfriends of men
addicted to porn located on the home page. (Thank you!) Our biggest surprise from the survey
results? Over 47% of the respondents did not know how much time their partner spent online
looking at porn. Many women may have a heated discussion with their husband or boyfriend
about porn use in the home and then turn a blind eye hoping it resolves itself. If you take this
approach, he may respond initially with limiting his use of porn but will return to it if he
interprets your turning a blind eye to his surfing as indifference.
PAH always recommends whenever possible to keep things simple. Direct communication is always
the best policy. Installation of porn filters and/or accountability software should always be your
first option.
But what if your husband or boyfriend is less than communicative or you think you may be getting
a very different story than what is really going on? What if your husband or boyfriend turns to
other avenues other than the Internet to get a porn fix? You may be tempted to put on your
detective hat and get to work. There is so much technology to choose from: recorders, hidden
Nanny cams, GPS, etc. There are many sites out there that sell these gadgets but they forget to
read you the fine print.
GPS. Tracking a person with a tracking device without their knowledge could be illegal or subject
you to a possible lawsuit, even if they are travelling in a vehicle you own. Tracking another
person's vehicle is almost always illegal without a warrant. Get legal advice before using these
devices.
Recording phone conversations. The U.S. Federal law allows recording of phone calls and other
electronic communications with the consent of at least one party to the call. A majority of the
states and territories have adopted wiretapping statutes based on the Federal law, although most
have also extended the law to cover in-person conversations. 38 states and Washington D.C.
permit recording telephone conversations to which they are a party without informing the other
parties that they are doing so.
12 states require, under most circumstances, the consent of all parties to a conversation. Those
jurisdictions are California, Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan,
Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and Washington.
It is illegal under all jurisdictions to record calls in which one is not a party.
A complete state by state set of regulations regarding telephone call recording may be obtained in
the following report published by The Reporters Committee for Freedom of the Press at
http://www.rcfp.org/taping/states.html.
So what can you do?
What is legal?
Check his cell phone activity. Don't let him know you are doing this or he may become meticulous
in deleting the history. Check the call list for names or numbers unknown to you, text message
history and inbound and outbound call logs.
Check the odometer on his car. If he says he is heading out to play golf and you know the course
is 6 miles away from home, you would expect only +/-12 miles increased mileage. If there is an
additional 20 miles and he doesn't mention he went anywhere else, something doesn't add up.
Check the bank and credit card statements. Cash withdrawals and gas purchases with debit cards
can tell you the date,time and part of town he was in. Be mindful of the frequency and amount of
cash pulled as well. If you feel your husband or boyfriend's porn addiction has led to him acting
out, a significant amount of money could be spent on his habit: video booths 25¢, magazines $10,
a hour or so at a strip club $20-30, lap dances $20 each, etc.
Check the laundry. It's an oldie but a goodie. The lipstick stains, the unfamiliar scent of perfume,
the receipts in the pants pockets. Technology has made its 'mark' here too with a new product
called Checkmate that can check clothing for semen stains. (Eww!)
Check the PC. This is where you can easily get the most reliable and detailed information through
the use of keyloggers. We have a full description of your options on the following page.
Sleuthing 101 Page 2
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| Relationship Rescue for Wives and Girlfriends of Internet Pornography Addicts |
This site is for informational purposes and is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.
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