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One of the most common quandaries women face when dealing with their partner's problem with porn is understanding where they are coming
from. At times it seems you need an interpreter!  The fact is that unhealthy behaviors produce flawed reasoning and strained communication.

In this feature, PAH will be introducing nine different emotional angles that men may gravitate towards as they face and begin to work through
their addiction to porn.
The Victim

You have discovered his addiction and are holding him accountable for his actions.  Incredulously, he believes that
he is not responsible; he is actually the victim!  The Victim has the false belief that things in life should be fair. He
may blame his actions on someone or some situation in an attempt to explain and justify his addiction.

  • If you had sex with me more often, I wouldn't have time to go online
  • I've had a hard day at work
  • I am so financially stressed out

Why is this flawed?
Who said life is fair? Everyone faces challenges in life.  If he experiences disappointment and stress, it doesn't mean
he gets a Get Out Of Jail Free Card. There are healthy ways of dealing with issues in life without using porn as a
coping mechanism.
The King

He believes he deserves to be treated special and has a sense of
entitlement. Kings often get annoyed or angry if they feel they are getting
less than they deserve.

  • I have a high sex drive and deserve to have my needs met
  • I am __ years old and I will look at pictures of naked women
    on my computer if I want to
  • I'm a man; I'm curious!

Why is this flawed?
Who crowned him King?  He should be considering others in the equation
but doesn't.  If someone else gets something, it doesn't necessarily mean
he should get it too.  The world
doesn't operate that way.
The Sidewinder

When the focus is on him, he likes to sidestep responsibility and accountability.  The Sidewinder doesn't want to discuss his
problem with porn and its effects on you. He will redirect the conversation to something other than his compulsion.

  • My watching porn is no worse than the soap operas you watch or the tacky romance novels you read
  • If you would have more sex with me, I wouldn't have to look at porn
  • I have to lie to you about my porn use because you won't accept me as I am
  • Wouldn't you rather I do this than cheat on you?
  • Why are you taking it so personal? It has nothing to do with you!

Why is this flawed?
He is the one with the problem not you. When he shifts the conversation to a topic
that has to do with your habits and behavior, he is avoiding the true issue - his addiction.

                    
                               
                                     The Minimizer

    He rationalizes that his problem with porn is not hurting anyone and not an big deal.   
    Minimizers will be vague and will hold back on details in order to give you an unclear
    picture of what is really happening.

  • I only look at pornography every once in a while
  • It's not a big deal in my life; I have it under control
  • Women put it out there on the Internet; I'm just looking

    Why is this flawed?
         He is misrepresenting the true situation to get you 'off the trail'. His avoidance of
    taking responsibility for his actions will catch up with him at some point.
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