Porn Addict Hubby - Fears and Relationships

People often express great excitement at the prospect of creating a healthy, alive, loving
intimate relationship. With tremendous enthusiasm and sincerity they proclaim, ''I am
willing to do ANYTHING it takes to have a great relationship!'' They speak fondly of their
visions of close, happy, loving moments with that one special partner, sharing all aspects
of themselves and their lives with their true soul mate. And then they embark on that
most intimate of journeys, the journey of love, which always starts within ourselves.

When we seek genuine intimate connection with another, sooner or later we come
face-to-face with who we really are. We can hide from ourselves, our friends, our families
and even our therapists and spiritual teachers, but ultimately we cannot hide from the One
that we share intimate space with. This is a great blessing (which often feels like a curse!)
because it helps us to grow in ways we would never choose to do on our own. All of us have
parts that would rather stay in their cocoons and hide. So when the magic of love penetrates
the soft underbelly beneath our defenses, we may feel incredibly alive, but also vulnerable
and exposed in ways we have not let ourselves feel for a very long time. This can feel
exhilarating, yet also terrifying.

These experiences of feeling scared or even terrified are not what our egos had in mind when we set out to experience a great loving
relationship. These are the moments when we remember that phrase we read in some book or heard at that workshop: all of life
comes down to a choice between fear and love. Yet we may feel lost and confused. When I'm scared like this, what IS the choice for
love? Self-protection can seem like a pretty loving choice at these times.

If we have not learned how to create a safe, sacred space to express and work through these feelings, fear wins out, and we
automatically don our masks of fear. Instead of dealing directly with our fears, we act them out indirectly. We shut down like a turtle
pulling in its head. We put on several layers of new armor. If we're single, suddenly we are too busy to date; if we're in a relationship,
we're too busy for our partner. After months of flexible schedules, we now have to work overtime four days a week. Or we find
ourselves getting angry, annoyed, frustrated with the slightest inconvenience. Or we erupt in a rage, surprised at the strength of our
feelings. Or we find ourselves turning to old ways of numbing, be it food, chemicals, a new lover, computers, work or any other way
which keeps us out of touch with what is really going on in our hearts and guts. The masks of fear become so transparent that we can
also quickly slip into blame. I did say I would do ANYTHING to make this work but that certainly didn't mean hanging out in fear,
insecurity, sadness, anger or despair. That wasn't part of the deal at all. My life is about bliss, love, expansive consciousness and pure
light pouring out of my heart. YOU must be bringing this energy into my life!

And when our masks of fear appear when we are in relationship, our partner is

often angry or

confused. Don't you love me anymore? What about our dreams?

What about last week? Why

can't I reach you anymore? And then out of self-

protection, THEIR masks of fear will emerge,

creating a distant relationship

where true connection is impossible.

These are the moments that make or break a relationship. If we are unable or

unwilling to

take off our masks and tell ourselves and our partners what is really

going on, our relationship

will stagnate or end. We can blame it all on our

partners' shortcoming and perhaps even feel

sorry for them and all of their

problems. We can smugly walk away and remind ourselves that

there really

aren't many people as together as we are, and perhaps loneliness is the price

must pay for being so exceptional.

If, however, we choose love instead of fear, responsibility over victimhood, and

humility and

truth over ego and distortion, a wonderful opportunity for healing

ourselves as well as our

relationship can occur. When we truly feel safe enough

to allow our most vulnerable feelings

to be shared, miracles can happen. Walls

can come tumbling down and years of pain can be

released.

What masks of fear are you wearing today, that are keeping you more distant and less connected to those in your life? Are you choosing
fear or love with yourself and with your partner? By creating and attracting into your life enough resources to help you feel safe, you
can start to take those masks off. Learn to ask for what you need, and how you need it. Trust your own intuition and connection to
your Higher Power to decide if a person or situation or group is capable of providing the safety you need.

In consciously choosing love over our personal masks of fear, we truly honor the deepest meaning of our intimate connections and
fulfill their highest potential. By willingly traversing the murky, shadowy aspects of our personal unfinished business, we invite our
partner to do the same and ultimately allow a greater vision of love, intimacy and harmony to manifest in our lives and in the world.

Relationship Rescue for Wives and Girlfriends of
Internet Pornography Addicts

This site is for informational purposes and is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.