Porn Addict Hubby - Reality Check

Many wives and girlfriends of men with porn problems have asked themselves at some point or another what defines a porn addiction.
Sexuality is a broad topic. What works and is 'normal' for you and your relationship may not be alright for another couple. Society gives us
some general guidelines as to what is right and what is wrong when it comes to sexual expression. Anything involving minors, force or
coercion, payment of money, animals, or sexual contact with others outside of a marriage are clearly understood by a majority of folks as
crossing the line. Looking at pornography while in a committed relationship is a gray area. Your feelings towards pornography are shaped
by your family and upbringing. You may feel that porn in and of itself is bad and viewing it even once in awhile is damaging and negative.
Or you may feel that men have a predisposition to looking at pornography and from time to time they may look - a 'boys will be boys'
perspective. Both of these beliefs are true and just for the individuals that hold them.

Porn Addict Hubby is not an anti-porn site. Pornography has been around for eons and will continue to be so. Porn Addict Hubby is a
pro-relationship site. PAH is dedicated to getting you the information you need to navigate the new reality that you find yourself living in.
So first and foremost, when is it addiction? Your partner will tell you that everything is under control and he can stop looking at any time
that he chooses. Maybe that is true. Maybe it isn't.

On the PAH site, it is stated over and over that he is responsible for his actions, and you are responsible for your reactions. When you
discovered his use of pornography, your world turned upside. You grieve for the loss of the man you thought he was and the relationship
you thought you had with him. You may detest porn in your home and strive to eliminate it at all costs. That is absolutely your right to do
so. But it is important to look at your individual situation realistically and not label or overreact. PAH is of the opinion that just looking at
porn online does not make you an addict. Just as overindulging in a pint of ice cream every once in a while when you are upset does not
make you a candidate for Overeater's Anonymous, looking a porn online every once in a while does not make him a porn addict. Consider
for a moment the Danger of Labeling.

So what is the next step after you have determined he has a problem with porn?

You need to confront him. He may deny it outright or he may admit it. If he admits it, be prepared for another whirlwind of
emotions PAH fondly calls the Porn Healing Paradox.

You need to set boundaries and consequences. Don't take the path of least resistance and just set boundaries. A boundary has no
meaning unless there is a consequence behind it. Whatever you do, make sure you mean what you say, and say what you mean.

Otherwise he may think you are all empty talk and take no real meaningful action to improve his life.

Consider installing accountability software to provide a platform of honesty and openness in your home when it comes to time
spent online. This is not a pornography filter or a keylogger program. He gets to see what sites you log onto and you get to see
what sites he logs onto. Covenant Eyes is one long-term solution PAH recommends as it is a program he is not able to turn off or
monkey around with without you being notified. And up to five computers in your home can be covered by it. PAH can give you a
free 30-day trial.

Reality Check Page 2

Relationship Rescue for Wives and Girlfriends of
Internet Pornography Addicts

This site is for informational purposes and is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.

The definition of addiction is the condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or involved in something. If you are
addicted, the compulsive behavior will begin to impact other aspects in your life: your productivity at work, your sexual intimacy with
your partner, withdrawing from social activities to spend more time at the unhealthy behavior, etc. Please be mindful that only a
professional should make a final diagnosis.

Here are the top five realistic signs that there could be signs of addiction in
your home:

He spends a great deal of time on the computer. It is not uncommon for
porn addicts to spend anywhere from three to six hours daily online. If
you enter the room, he may flinch, toggle to another page or turn off the
computer all together.

If your husband is not tech savvy, the history file will disclose their online
traffic pattern. If he is tech savvy, he will have the history files clean so
you are not able to see where he has been.

The porn addict spends a lot of time on the computer late into the night
or right after work to ‘unwind’. The user may be using work as a cover
for their activities by having to ‘work overtime’ at home. (Working
overtime in itself is not a sign of usage however, combined with the other
signs it can be.)

Your sexual life has dwindled, or is dead. You may find that your partner
is no longer initiating sex OR you are asked to perform sexually on a very
frequent basis often with requests that you may be very uncomfortable
with.

Your partner may not want you to see credit or debit card statements,
phone call or text message history.