Porn Addict Hubby - Reality Check

You have done your reality check. Now what about him?

One of the most difficult challenges women face is to get him to do his own reality check. In order for there to be true long-lasting
change, he must really admit from his heart that he has a problem. The porn industry coaches regular users to not listen to 'nagging
wives and girlfriends'. That we are jealous or just don't understand a man's genetic need to spread himself around with a lot of
women. He may see himself as having the right to look at naked women online as long as he doesn't touch them. Or that all men do it
so what is the big deal. He may think himself smart - able to keep his online life separate from his real day to day life with you.

Here's a reality check. If he indeed has a problem with porn he is:

Mentally acting outside of your relationship on a regular basis

Taking hours and hours of quality time away from your relationship and your kids

(if you have a family)

Getting groomed by the porn industry to eventually spend a lot of money on goods

and services

Normalizing a lot of graphic violence against women in his head

On a path that will lead him to use more violent (rape), illegal (minors), or fringe (S&M,

bestiality) porn to keep the same level of endorphin high that he experienced when he
first began using 'normal' porn

Damaging his self-image and his self-esteem

Another challenge for many women is intellectually we understand why men get wrapped up
in the world of porn, but physically we don't 'get it'. If we see a partially naked male model
online, we don't feel the sexual urge to unzip our pants or go in search of more graphic
material. Sexual addiction is complex. The following list of questions may be enlightening
to both you and your partner.

Were you sexually abused as a child or adolescent?
Did your parents have trouble with sexual behavior?
Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts?
Do you feel that your sexual behavior is not normal?
Do you ever feel bad about your sexual behavior?
Has your sexual behavior ever created problems for you and your family?
Have you ever sought help for sexual behavior you did not like?
Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior?
Are any of your sexual activities against the law?
Have you made efforts to quit a type of sexual activity and failed?
Do you hide some of your sexual behaviors from others?
Have you attempted to stop some parts of your sexual activity?
Have you felt degraded by your sexual behaviors?
When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards? (PAH - Depressed??!!!)
Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire?
Have important parts of your life (such as job, family, friends, leisure

activities) been neglected because you were spending too much time on sex?

Do you ever think your sexual desire is stronger than you are?
Is sex almost all you think about?
Has sex (or romantic fantasies) been a way for you to escape your problems?
Has sex become the most important thing in your life?
Are you in crisis over sexual matters?
Has the Internet created sexual problems for you?
Do you spend too much time online for sexual purposes?
Have you purchased services online for erotic purposes (sites for dating, pornography, fantasy and friend finder)?
Have you used the Internet to make romantic or erotic connections with people online?
Have people in your life been upset about your sexual activities online?
Have you attempted to stop your online sexual behaviors?
Have you subscribed to or regularly purchased or rented sexually explicit materials (magazines, videos, books or online
pornography)?
Have you been sexual with minors?
Have you spent considerable time and money on strip clubs, adult bookstores and movie houses?
Have you engaged prostitutes and escorts to satisfy your sexual needs?
Have you spent considerable time surfing pornography online?
Have you used magazines, videos or online pornography even when there was considerable risk of being caught by family
members who would be upset by your behavior?
Have you regularly purchased romantic novels or sexually explicit magazines?
Have stayed in romantic relationships after they became emotionally or physically abusive?
Have you traded sex for money or gifts?
Have you maintained multiple romantic or sexual relationships at the same time?
After sexually acting out, do you sometimes refrain from all sex for a significant period?
Have you regularly engaged in sadomasochistic behavior?
Do you visit sexual bath-houses, sex clubs or adult video/bookstores as part of your regular sexual activity?
Have you engaged in unsafe or "risky" sex even though you knew it could cause you harm?
Have you cruised public restrooms, rest areas or parks looking for sex with strangers?
Do you believe casual or anonymous sex has kept you from having more long-term intimate relationships?
Has your sexual behavior put you at risk for arrest for lewd conduct or public indecency?
Have you been paid for sex?

You can't solve a porn problem unless he admits there is one and you know how deep it goes. Help is out there for him. And for you.
This problem wasn't created overnight, and it won't go away overnight. If he wants to make a change in his life for the better,
consider supporting him in healing his addiction. Both of you may be stronger and wiser for having made the journey - together.

Relationship Rescue for Wives and Girlfriends of
Internet Pornography Addicts

This site is for informational purposes and is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.

"I am glad my wife finally got me to see
the light. I was using porn about 5 times
a week and it was robbing me of sleep,
making me take stupid risks by logging
on at my workplace, and was really
dragging down how I felt about myself.
I knew what I was doing was wrong but I
was terrified to do anything about it.
So it just continued.

She really laid down the line. For the
first time I understood that I wasn't just
making choices for me by continuing
this stupid habit. I was killing our
marriage and cutting myself out of a
relationship with my kids.
There is no way a court would have given
me shared custody rights with the junk I
was looking at.

I finally grew up and decided my
boyhood excuses were hollow.
My reality with my wife and kids was
more important to me than my
self-indulgent online fantasies."