Porn Addict Hubby - Recovery Behavior Check List

Addicts of any kind live in a "verbal reality." This means if they say it, it is true and if they say it passionately enough
even they believe it is really true. Men who have an addiction to porn live in a verbal reality.
A sex addict believes what he is saying while he is saying it.

Your most helpful tool in dealing with verbal reality is looking at his measurable behavior. He says, "I can quit" but logs on again.
The behavior is always the truth.
He says he wants to change, but attends no 12-step meetings and makes no calls to counselors or therapists,
and so his behavior is the truth. Don't be fooled by verbal reality and don't blame him if you buy what he says to you.
In the past, your own desire to believe the best and not implement measurable behaviors has set up a system
that you both are now familiar with. The system is: he does what he wants, says: "I love you" or "I'll change,"
You believe him, nothing changes and then you get to repeat this cycle again.

The way to stop this cycle is to ask what recovery behaviors he is committed to and where he is going to check off
if he did them or not. Addicts themselves believe their own verbal reality so YOU can't if the
both of you are going to get on a path towards health.

This is not the time to bully your partner into doing things your way. All relationships are negotiated. Individual approaches to
recovery are negotiated too. The following checklist of recovery behaviors is helpful to some men.
Have him - not you - check off those that he feels would be helpful to him in his recovery.

___________________________________________________

Unplug – no touching anything electronic after 9:00 PM. This includes cell phones, iPods, computers,
DVD players, Playstations. Yes, television is negotiable.

Learn your triggers by using the AA acronym HALT; Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Add Bored and Stressed to the list.
If you know which of these internal moods is most often present prior to you acting out,
then you can develop a plan for responding to that trigger.

Use your legs and your eyes. If you find yourself in a situation that may lead to temptation, walk away from it.

If you are unable to physically move away, close your eyes. You can control your environment.

Plug into an accountability group. You will be with like-minded people facing the same challenges. You will receive

encouragement and see others making improvements in their lives.

A group offers a place to be accountable,

a place to be answerable to someone

else.

Take care of yourself physically.

Get proper rest, eat

healthy, and exercise.

e grateful for what you have around you.

Look around. As you learn to be

thankful for all of the blessings you have

you will become

more positive, thankful and hopeful.

Start a new hobby, interest or sport. Think of all the time you wasted when you

could

have been improving yourself

or learning something new.

Volunteer. There are a lot of people out there that have it worse off than you. You always come back feeling
better about yourself for having helped out someone else.

How many professional athletes have a '

just get by

mentality

If you

exert just enough

effort to stay

ut of trouble, are you

really winning the game or just fooling yourself? Get

the attitude of a winne

r by doing more

than

just enough