Once you have a list of things that need improvement, create a list of possible solutions. You may already
know what needs to be done or you may need to go to outside resources for advice on next best steps.
Improved self-esteem isn't something that you can achieve overnight, but it is something you can work on
and improve over time, step by step, day by day.

Your husband or boyfriend’s porn addiction may have helped bring you to the place you find yourself right
now. But you are responsible for your own feelings and emotions. Just as he is responsible for his actions,
you are responsible for your reactions. Being the wife or girlfriend of a porn addict can be paralyzing.
The resulting low self-esteem can prevent you from being the person who you want to be.

Although it was stated in this article before, it deserves to be repeated.

The decision to turn to porn was his, not yours. Although there may have been problems in the
relationship, you did not decide to complicate matters by adding addiction to the plate. His decision
had more to do with his inability to deal with stress, anxiety or his own self-worth issues than it did
about you.

Just because he is stuck in a rut doesn’t mean that you have to put your life on hold as well. In fact, each
decision you make for yourself will make you happier. Each choice, stronger. Each purposeful action,
more alive and on track. Besides focusing on those areas that may need some improvement in your life,
there are other action-oriented steps you can take that will help heal your emotions and get you on the
path towards higher self-esteem.

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•        Decide on a Recovery Plan. Do you have a porn addiction recovery plan set with your
spouse or partner? Read the Compass Plan.
•        Journal. Do not keep your feelings in. Being the partner of a porn addict is extremely
isolating and challenging. You may not feel comfortable sharing your situation with those
closest to you in your immediate support system. It will still be necessary for you to express
and validate your feelings. When you are stressed, detail what is pushing your buttons. Doing
so will allow to you cool down quicker and give you a better opportunity to see problem
areas or patterns for future trouble-shooting.
•        Reach Out. Trading stories with other women facing porn addiction in their homes
helps improve your ability to emotionally cope with hardships and difficult emotions. PAH
has a Discussion Board where you can find like-minded souls.
•        Exercise. Sometimes you may feel so worn down that regular exercise may be the last
thing on your mind. Do it anyways. Exercise will allow you to release your pent up
frustration and anger. It will keep you at the top of your game physically and will release
anti-depressant chemicals into your bloodstream.
•        Be Still. Set aside time each day to be quiet. Attend church on regular basis? Pray for
guidance, wisdom and patience. Don’t attend? Meditate. Breathe deeply and recognize the
spirit within you. Focus on thoughts of healing.

How To Get Your Groove Back

Take Action.

•        Listen to Music. Everyone has their favorites. Music has the magical ability to energize and transport you mentally to
another time and place instantly. One of my favorite songs is a Hawaiian version of Somewhere Over The Rainbow by Isreal ‘Iz’
Kamakawiwo'ole. This is not your mother’s Judy Garland version. It is worth checking out.
•        Help Someone. Tutor a child, cook a sick or elderly neighbor a meal, visit a nursing home. There’s nothing like focusing
on someone else’s problems to help you forget your own.
•        Love Yourself Unconditionally. No one else can love you more than you. How well you can love yourself will determine
how well you are able to love others.
•        Spend Time Doing What You Love. Everyone has a passion or source of enjoyment. Gardening, cooking, exercising,
music. Indulge in it regularly and give yourself joy. Celebrate your strengths.
•        Give It A Rest. You may find yourself focusing on his problems with porn all the time. There is a time to be mindful and
assess what is happening, but it is too exhausting to focus your attention on his addiction every moment of every day.
Resolve to schedule in down time with friends to just cut loose and have fun.
•        Find Three Things. Look in the mirror and find three things you like about yourself. Acknowledge those positive traits
and then do something to celebrate them. Highlight your beautiful brown eyes. Sing a solo in the shower or car. Do a random
act of kindness for a stranger.
•        Stand Your Ground. When your husband or boyfriend hurts your feelings, let him know. When you give a voice to your
pain, your self-esteem increases.
•        Don’t Compare. Don’t compare your situation against other couples facing a porn problem. Try to look at where you
were yesterday and where you are today. If there is positive change, then you are on the right track and you should feel good
about your progress.
•        Learn Something New. Learning a new skill, sport or activity can boost your self-confidence. This is a big, beautiful
world. Try something new and master it.

Boosting your self-esteem is hard work. Stay focused, try to be positive, and love yourself right out of your funk.

                                                                               PAH

How To Get Your Groove Back