So here you are on this site seeking advice on how to improve your self-esteem after discovering and
dealing with your husband or partner’s porn addiction. It is wonderful that you realize you need to make
yourself a priority and take care of yourself during this very taxing time in your life. Your self-esteem can
affect your moods, your ability to relate and connect with others, how well you are able to deal with
everyday challenges and how relaxed and safe you feel in your daily life.
You must recognize that living with someone addicted to porn is incredibly stressful. Imagine your mental
bandwidth as a bank account. Every time you feel a psychological pinch, you are making a withdrawal.
Does he really have to finish that report for work tonight or he making excuses again so he can be on the
computer until late in the night? Pinch. You look in the mirror and compare yourself with an online porn
girl. Pinch. He brings in the mail and his eyes rest a little too long for your comfort on your Victoria’s
Secret catalog. Pinch. What was he so mentally preoccupied with that the trash didn’t get taken out
again? Pinch. Consider for one full day making a tick mark every time you feel an emotional pinch. How
many daily withdrawals are you making? 10? 20? Over 100? You will quickly understand just how much
stress you are living with on a daily basis and what pushes your buttons. As you move through this porn
problem with your spouse or partner, it will be necessary for you to make regular deposits otherwise you
will deplete your mental account entirely.
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Copyright 2007-2012. Porn Addict Hubby. All rights reserved.
| Relationship Rescue for Wives and Girlfriends of Internet Pornography Addicts |
First you are in disbelief, then you are angry. What did you do to deserve this? You blame him
for lying and manipulating. Then you blame yourself for not being more of a woman: not skinny
enough, not young enough, not buxom enough, not adventurous enough in bed. When you
discovered his dirty little secrets, your world shifted 180 degrees. Your familiar surroundings
that gave you comfort before now make you uncomfortable. There is nothing that you can rely
upon around you. Worse of all, you may feel there is not a confidante or sounding board
available. His guilt, shame and secrecy has now become your problem. You will begin to
minutely examine all aspects of your life: your job or role as wife/mother/girlfriend, your
interaction with friends (both yours and those friends you have as a couple), and the choices
you have made up until now. The discovery of this addiction for many women can have the
same emotional impact as if the husband or partner had actually had an affair.
Do not push your emotions to the side; feel them to the fullest. If you are overwhelmed and
need help, do not hesitate to seek guidance from a church counselor or licensed therapist.
Although you may not believe this at first, it needs to be repeated until it sinks in.
The decision to turn to porn was his, not yours. Although there may have been problems in
the relationship, you did not decide to complicate matters by adding addiction to the plate.
His decision had more to do with his inability to deal with stress, anxiety or his own
self-worth issues than it did about you.
for lying and manipulating. Then you blame yourself for not being more of a woman: not skinny
enough, not young enough, not buxom enough, not adventurous enough in bed. When you
discovered his dirty little secrets, your world shifted 180 degrees. Your familiar surroundings
that gave you comfort before now make you uncomfortable. There is nothing that you can rely
upon around you. Worse of all, you may feel there is not a confidante or sounding board
available. His guilt, shame and secrecy has now become your problem. You will begin to
minutely examine all aspects of your life: your job or role as wife/mother/girlfriend, your
interaction with friends (both yours and those friends you have as a couple), and the choices
you have made up until now. The discovery of this addiction for many women can have the
same emotional impact as if the husband or partner had actually had an affair.
Do not push your emotions to the side; feel them to the fullest. If you are overwhelmed and
need help, do not hesitate to seek guidance from a church counselor or licensed therapist.
Although you may not believe this at first, it needs to be repeated until it sinks in.
The decision to turn to porn was his, not yours. Although there may have been problems in
the relationship, you did not decide to complicate matters by adding addiction to the plate.
His decision had more to do with his inability to deal with stress, anxiety or his own
self-worth issues than it did about you.
Self Esteem - How To Get Your Groove Back After Discovering Porn Addiction
A universal theme amongst all wives and girlfriends of porn addicts is the loss of self-
esteem. This month PAH takes a look at how your self-esteem can be affected when
dealing with your husband or boyfriend’s porn addiction and most importantly how to
get it back.
You can’t manage your husband or boyfriend’s addiction. He got himself into this mess and he will have to get himself out of it. You can’t influence if or
when negative things will happen to you in this world. But you can choose how you will react. You can establish boundaries so his addiction doesn’t spill over
into every aspect of your life.
It may seem as if you don’t have many choices. Not true. Every day when you awaken, you get a chance to make many positive choices. Think back to a time
when you were at a high point in your life. You looked in the mirror and really felt good about who you were. During this positive time, life threw you
challenges and you faced them successfully. You were a warrior. Dust off that part of you and get ready to reclaim your current life. Another challenge has
reared its ugly head. You know you have it in you. Get ready to use that strength.
when negative things will happen to you in this world. But you can choose how you will react. You can establish boundaries so his addiction doesn’t spill over
into every aspect of your life.
It may seem as if you don’t have many choices. Not true. Every day when you awaken, you get a chance to make many positive choices. Think back to a time
when you were at a high point in your life. You looked in the mirror and really felt good about who you were. During this positive time, life threw you
challenges and you faced them successfully. You were a warrior. Dust off that part of you and get ready to reclaim your current life. Another challenge has
reared its ugly head. You know you have it in you. Get ready to use that strength.
