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Copyright 2007-2008. Porn Addict Hubby. All rights reserved.
| PornAddictHubby.com |
| Relationship Rescue for Wives and Girlfriends of Internet Pornography Addicts |
This site is for informational purposes and is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.
Sex Addiction and Your Energy Focus
This month PAH is taking a hard look at where most women are focusing their
energies when dealing with a husband or boyfriend struggling with a sex addiction.
It is important to highlight that there is no one right solution. Relationships are
complex. What works for one couple may be a disaster for you. PAH will be
introducing some general guidelines and common pitfalls that may help make your
healing paths a little less bumpy.
The most common reaction is to focus a lot of attention on your partner. After all,
you haven't done anything wrong. He is the one with the addiction. He is the one
that needs to make changes. Right? It is true that much work needs to be done on
his side however, how do you know if your words and actions are helpful to his
recovery process? Depending on how you are approaching his problem with porn,
you could be giving him the support and the tools he needs to conquer his
addiction or you could be preventing him from learning critical new coping skills.
Perhaps you see the problem as you. If you were __________ (fill in the blank with sexier, blonder, bustier, more sexually available,
younger), then he wouldn't have to look at porn. Have you heard this from his own mouth so many times that you actually now
believe it? Is your self-esteem at such an all time low that you feel trapped in your relationship? Do you feel paralyzed and end up
withdrawing all together? Your emotions may be so painful and jumbled up that it is hard to know what to do next.
Sometimes couples attribute reliance on porn to a troubled relationship: communication issues, decline in intimacy, lack of common
ground. Which came first, the chicken (relationship problems) or the egg (porn problems)?
In order for a relationship to heal completely, all three sides of the energy triangle have to be addressed. He needs to take active
steps towards a recovery path, understand how you have been wounded by his porn activity, and make amends to you. You need to
accept his heartfelt apology, identify and heal your wounds and be able at some future point to consider offering forgiveness. And
the two of you need to investigate how your individual patterns of actions, feelings, coping skills, perceptions and assumptions may
have helped to steer you off track.
