e
OK, you have taken yourself off of accountability patrol, and you know what to do if he slips up. What next?
Have him commit to certain recovery behaviors. You may want him to go to a 12-step group or see a counselor but he may feel more
comfortable with a men's support group at a local church with an assigned accountability partner. This is his problem and he needs to find
the best long term solution for him. This is not the time for threats or bullying. He should do something, but let him decide. What if he is
in denial you say? You can still get yourself to a healthier place today.
This is a very stressful period in your life. When women get stressed out, they often stop being loving to themselves. Tough hardships
come along in life: illnesses, finances, jobs (or lack thereof), death. You didn't ask for porn addiction to be in your home, but here it is.
Even if things are difficult in your relationship, you deserve to be cared for and cherished. If your husband or boyfriend cannot give this to
you right now, you can give it to yourself. Show yourself love and empathy. Treat yourself well and be nice to yourself. If you make
yourself a priority, time can begin to heal your wounds.
Have him commit to certain recovery behaviors. You may want him to go to a 12-step group or see a counselor but he may feel more
comfortable with a men's support group at a local church with an assigned accountability partner. This is his problem and he needs to find
the best long term solution for him. This is not the time for threats or bullying. He should do something, but let him decide. What if he is
in denial you say? You can still get yourself to a healthier place today.
This is a very stressful period in your life. When women get stressed out, they often stop being loving to themselves. Tough hardships
come along in life: illnesses, finances, jobs (or lack thereof), death. You didn't ask for porn addiction to be in your home, but here it is.
Even if things are difficult in your relationship, you deserve to be cared for and cherished. If your husband or boyfriend cannot give this to
you right now, you can give it to yourself. Show yourself love and empathy. Treat yourself well and be nice to yourself. If you make
yourself a priority, time can begin to heal your wounds.
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Copyright 2007-2012. Porn Addict Hubby. All rights reserved.
| Internet Pornography Addicts |
This site is for informational purposes and is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.
"The distrust is just a given for us for now. We are 10 months porn-free. Every once in a while, the thought of it creeps back into my head. My husband is making a lot of effort and I have no doubt of his commitment to our marriage. When I voice my doubts or concerns, he asks me to check the computer, the cell phone, the cable bill. Sometime I do but I find that more time is passing between checks. I didn't put a lot of thought into it initially. One day you find that you haven't checked for a week, a month, 3 months. This shows me, and him, that trust is slowly being rebuilt. Another thing that has really been helpful to me is when he tells me how sorry he is. It is important to me that he knows that he has hurt me. This experience has changed my outlook on relationships. I am more jaded than I was before. There are no white knights, no happily ever afters. There is only real life. Building back trust that had been gained over 8 years will take time. But, it is possible. Time does heal wounds, we make carry scars, but the wounds heal." |
You can make yourself sick - Chronic, long-term stress suppresses the
immune system. The longer the stress, the more the immune system shifts
from adaptive changes seen in the "fight or flight" response to more negative
changes, first at the cellular level and later in broader immune function. The
most chronic stressors – stress that seems beyond a person's control or seems
endless – resulted in the most global suppression of immunity.
Your attitude can impact your personal relationships and/or your productivity
at work - When your mind is occupied with his porn issues, you can lose focus
on everyone and everything else. Those closest to you will see and feel the
change although you may say nothing. If you are not getting enough sleep or
feel distracted at work, your attention to detail and general level of
productivity may suffer.
Even if he makes changes and begins to improve himself, you may feel stuck -
You may feel very guarded and want to tell him that he is doing a good job
keeping his environment clean, but you don't. Do you feel if you let down
your guard, that he will hurt you again? If you are trying to protect yourself
and your emotions through inaction, you will be short-changing yourself and
your relationship in the end. Healthy relationships have partners that
communicate and support each other. Even if it is difficult, try to be
supportive and encouraging if he is making positive progress.
immune system. The longer the stress, the more the immune system shifts
from adaptive changes seen in the "fight or flight" response to more negative
changes, first at the cellular level and later in broader immune function. The
most chronic stressors – stress that seems beyond a person's control or seems
endless – resulted in the most global suppression of immunity.
Your attitude can impact your personal relationships and/or your productivity
at work - When your mind is occupied with his porn issues, you can lose focus
on everyone and everything else. Those closest to you will see and feel the
change although you may say nothing. If you are not getting enough sleep or
feel distracted at work, your attention to detail and general level of
productivity may suffer.
Even if he makes changes and begins to improve himself, you may feel stuck -
You may feel very guarded and want to tell him that he is doing a good job
keeping his environment clean, but you don't. Do you feel if you let down
your guard, that he will hurt you again? If you are trying to protect yourself
and your emotions through inaction, you will be short-changing yourself and
your relationship in the end. Healthy relationships have partners that
communicate and support each other. Even if it is difficult, try to be
supportive and encouraging if he is making positive progress.
"I was on edge while my husband was on a business trip to Las Vegas - "sin city". He had a late flight and arrived home from the airport after midnight. The following morning, I found one of those silicone bracelets imprinted with a woman's name followed by ".com" by his wallet and car keys on the counter. Of course my thoughts instantly went to it belonging to some porn starlet that he must have met. I logged on to the site and kicked myself. It was created by the grieving family of a crime victim. They created the site and bracelets in an effort to keep her memory alive as they petition to get 911 laws changed. When he woke up, he explained that the girl's mother-in-law sat next to him on the plane and passed the bracelet to him. This illustrated to me that I have more work to do. I am still incredibly suspicious and distrustful. I didn't ask for porn problems in my marriage. He has his set of issues to deal with and I have mine. I understand this is an area of myself that I need to work on healing." |
Exercise. If you are feeling down, or even depressed, aerobic exercise can be
every day, even if it is just walking around the neighborhood.
Meditate. Many women enroll in yoga classes for a sense of well-being and to
stay centered. Not your thing? Check out the meditation rooms at Lime.com.
Eat healthy. If you find yourself overeating or undereating, stop. Your body
may be operating on crisis mode. Try to eat balanced, healthy meals three
times a day. Don't punish yourself. Treat yourself right.
Get enough sleep. Seven to eight hours of sleep a night may seem like an
impossible goal if you are experiencing sleep interruptions. Take a nap during
the day, sleep in different rooms for a bit. Do what you can to get adequate
rest.
Journal. How are you feeling? Name and claim your emotions. This can be a
very healing process.
Set future goals. Everyone has a list of things they would like to do. Nothing
will get you out of your rut faster than putting together a list of life goals. One
great site to check out is 43 Things. You can publish your goals and
communicate with others that also have that same goal. There is nothing like
expanding your support base and cheering each other on.
Pray. If you are spiritual, spend time in prayer on a regular basis.
Make yourself a bigger priority starting today.
every day, even if it is just walking around the neighborhood.
Meditate. Many women enroll in yoga classes for a sense of well-being and to
stay centered. Not your thing? Check out the meditation rooms at Lime.com.
Eat healthy. If you find yourself overeating or undereating, stop. Your body
may be operating on crisis mode. Try to eat balanced, healthy meals three
times a day. Don't punish yourself. Treat yourself right.
Get enough sleep. Seven to eight hours of sleep a night may seem like an
impossible goal if you are experiencing sleep interruptions. Take a nap during
the day, sleep in different rooms for a bit. Do what you can to get adequate
rest.
Journal. How are you feeling? Name and claim your emotions. This can be a
very healing process.
Set future goals. Everyone has a list of things they would like to do. Nothing
will get you out of your rut faster than putting together a list of life goals. One
great site to check out is 43 Things. You can publish your goals and
communicate with others that also have that same goal. There is nothing like
expanding your support base and cheering each other on.
Pray. If you are spiritual, spend time in prayer on a regular basis.
Make yourself a bigger priority starting today.
